here i am.

In this blog, my goal is to be honest
painfully, brutally honest
to lay my heart bare
and trust Jesus with the results


I've been thinking a lot the last few days
about sin
about the church's approach to sin


So often, it feels like we want to make sin 'acceptable'
we talk openly about the sins that are ok
sins we all deal with
we talk about addictions...materialism...even pornography
those things have become acceptable sins


but rarely do we openly address the issues and dysfunctions of the heart
and when we do, it's often toned down


I'm codependent BUT....
I'm manipulative BUT...
I'm insecure BUT...


..followed by a list of reasons its ok or an explanation that makes it seem less than it is
I know I do this ALL the time


I realized it even today
I was texting somebody about a certain situation at work and told them I'm not very good at standing up for myself...followed immediately by a text clarifying that it's only true when it's issues that aren't important


why was that second text necessary?
because I didn't want to appear weak


News Flash: I AM WEAK


end of story.
no explanation.
no justification.


sin needs no explanation
no justification
it's wrong
period


the more I try to explain it away, the more I avoid the work of getting it out of my life. I can't root anything out if I don't acknowledge its presence


I want to shine light in the darkness of my heart
to not make excuse or preface


I'm not perfect
I never will be


here's a little secret for you
*you're not perfect either...and you never will be*
let's stop hiding
stop pretending